Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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