I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
