Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
