I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
