I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
