dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
