After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
