Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
