dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
