I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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