I have demons in me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
