i may or may not be watching the land before time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
