You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
