So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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