Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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