youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
