Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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