now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
