Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
