he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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