So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
