Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
