I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
