its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
