I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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