Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you would pick up someone in the library
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
