Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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