Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So squirting runs in the family.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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