guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
