I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
