I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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