I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
