is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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