Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
