My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
