I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
