Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
