I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That accounts for only three of the penises
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
