so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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