i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
