All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
