So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
