So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
