What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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