I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
