i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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