It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
