So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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