Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
