He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
