Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
