new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
only you would photoshop your dick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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