what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
