i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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